New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
