K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just gargled with NyQuil
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Come on in and take your pants off
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