We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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