I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
