What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
