It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
