yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
