you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
