I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
