Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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