I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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