I hope my margaritas pass through security.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize