Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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