How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
