I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
