somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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