He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
