she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have aggressive nipples.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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