smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
