I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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