I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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