I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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