i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
