Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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