They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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