that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
