where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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