Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize