My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
