who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
