I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
