My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
