It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
