I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
