Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize