His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
