i was born a porn star she said
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
