So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
