Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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