he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
