What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
