i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
