if you like me you must not know who I am
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
