just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
