I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
