Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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