I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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