Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
