It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
