you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
