No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just had sex bonerless
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
