The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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