that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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