You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
