Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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