the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
