i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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