i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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