Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
did i just pee glitter
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
