the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
