I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
