i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
