Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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