i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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