My Higher Power is John Stamos
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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