If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
