Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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