Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
