I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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